My faith wounding is not intended to harm you.

I struggle sometimes with people in the faith looking at me as a threat after I share how I was traumatized by the church. But here’s the thing — if I had a physical injury, like walking with a limp after a serious car accident, you might understand that differently.

My story isn’t about threatening your faith. I’m working through what happened to me, and I’m accepting that I may always be limited in certain ways — that listening to scripture can trigger me, that worship music, which is one of the most emotionally evocative things there is, goes straight to the injury for me. I used to sing in church. Music doesn’t let you keep your distance.

I think what happens is that people feel threatened by my harm because it brushes up against their beliefs — or maybe they’re trying to make me feel better. Whatever the case, trying to convince someone to change how they feel isn’t going to change how they feel. What changes how we feel is understanding and presence. Why is that so hard?

That’s a question worth sitting with individually. But for me, I often struggle when others’ emotions feel uncomfortable to navigate alongside my own. Recently someone else’s joy landed right in the middle of my triggered state. Those are the kinds of moments that cause relationships to fracture — not because anyone is villainous, but because we are human and we want others to weep with us when we weep and celebrate with us when we celebrate. Sometimes that simply isn’t possible. Like running after a car accident with a limp isn’t possible.

Understanding goes a long way. None of us will do it perfectly, but with humility and courage most things can be worked through — if we are willing to do the work. Some of us aren’t willing, or we don’t yet know how, and that’s something each individual has to wrestle with. Sometimes that wrestling doesn’t look neat and tidy from the outside. Sometimes there are no easy answers.

I believe the creator of the universe is good — and as diverse as we are, I believe they meet us where we are in wild and wondrous ways. But most of us gravitate toward people who believe similarly because that’s comfortable. The thing is, life on this planet isn’t always comfortable. And that’s actually where growth happens. That’s where the opportunity to go deeper arises.

I’m reminding myself of that as I write this.

Lori is a trauma recovery writer at A Liminal Space Coaching. She writes about religious trauma, spiritual abuse recovery, and finding your way back to yourself.