A Liminal Space

Autonomy isn’t selfish—it’s about staying true to yourself, no matter what others say you “should” be.

How often do people tell you who to be or what to believe? Sometimes they push so hard because they’re unsure of themselves and need you to mirror their choices to feel comfortable. When we abandon ourselves to become who others need us to be, we’re responding from survival mode—an unconscious reaction to the threat of being alone in a confusing world.

I learned this the hard way. There’s so much noise out there claiming to be true these days, and it’s hard to know what’s real anymore. I saw a post this morning on Instagram from Gabor Mate that stopped me cold: “It is impossible to have our eyes open and not have our hearts broken.” That’s when you know something is true—it changes you to become the best version of yourself. But sometimes it can feel like it is breaking you in the process.

I spent too many years in a religious system that taught me to dismiss every heartbreak as “God’s will.” That system told me I couldn’t trust my heart, that I was fundamentally bad. It made my heart hard and kept me stuck in shame and abuse cycles. The twisted part? It wasn’t truth that trapped me—it was denying my pain and abandoning myself to fit their mold that did.

Then truth did what it was supposed to. It opened my eyes and broke my heart open.

I saw that system for what it really was—something designed to shape me into its image so I’d belong and they’d have control. I’d been molded like pottery, fired in their kiln, painted with layers of perfection until nobody could see who I really was. I couldn’t see her either.

When my heart broke, it was the worst and best thing that happened to me. Inside that painted shell was my true self, desperate for air. Once she stepped out of that broken container, she never wanted to go back—even if it meant losing everything I thought had saved me.

Here’s what I’ve learned: it’s better to have fewer genuine connections than to sacrifice who you are for more superficial ones. We’re all different for a reason. When we hide our true selves just to belong, we rob the world of our unique gifts.

Make the conscious choice to be authentically you—without apologies. Your authenticity is your superpower, not your flaw.

I love this video with the song Breaking Inside by Shinedown.