A Liminal Space

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

For years, those of us who walked away from toxic religion were told we just had a ‘bad church experience’—but a groundbreaking American Psychological Association article is finally validating what we’ve known all along

According to a recent American Psychological Association article, Rebuilding a full life after walking away from organized religion has created new therapeutic needs as people work to rebuild their entire lives outside of faith traditions.

Reading this article brought a tremendous amount of relief. So much has changed in the last decade. There was a time when I walked out of a toxic church believing that I was completely misunderstood. I remember desperately combing the internet for information about what I had experienced, but thankfully, that isolation is no longer the case.

More and more people are acknowledging that religious trauma is real trauma. This is one of the positive aspects of living in the digital age—we have more ways to connect and share information than we ever dreamed possible. And it has profoundly benefited those of us who lived inside the bubbles of religious cultures.

I wish it didn’t take so much collective pain for people to finally acknowledge that we have a serious problem. But in this information age, now more than ever, we’re able to learn from history and figure out ways to prevent others from suffering in similar ways.

Even as I write this, I find myself reflecting on how much information was controlled in religious environments and how stifled I felt for so long. When a person is taught to believe that they are fundamentally flawed, they hide in shame, listening to others they believe are better than them, and become dependent on those authority figures to make life decisions. And those decisions inevitably benefit those who are in charge.

Now more than ever, I’m seeing how much religion benefits those in power. I’ve come to realize that religion builds systems that subtly twist words of hope into words that keep us trapped in fear and shame. All it takes is a slight manipulation to make us believe we’re so inherently bad that we’re not worthy to live out the lives we were born to live. These subtle tweaks empower leaders while disempowering followers.

There’s a reason people with cruel agendas who come into power start by controlling information. If we don’t know what’s really happening, we’ll blindly follow their agendas. According to this article, one of the reasons younger people are leaving religion is because they’re seeing what’s really happening—and they want no part of it. That’s incredibly telling.

But those of us who were immersed in these systems during our developmental years and well into adulthood often struggle to discern what’s truth and what’s manipulation. We question who we really are and whether we’re inherently flawed sinners who should live in shame. We sometimes feel guilty for simply taking up space in the world outside the rigid ways of living we were programmed to accept.

If you’ve been part of this system, maybe you’re exhausted by the constant internal battle—feeling like you don’t deserve to live a life outside of their agenda. I’m here to encourage you: if you’re struggling, it isn’t “sin” causing your turmoil. If you’re wrestling with religious trauma, it’s likely your authentic self desperately trying to get your attention.

Looking back now, I realize the struggle has actually been what saved me all along. Not being able to find peace with what I was being taught, recognizing how the teachings actually contributed to guilt and shame that left me feeling perpetually confused—that inner resistance was my truth trying to break through.

The confusion, the heaviness, and the tremendous internal conflict weren’t signs of spiritual failure. They were signs that something deeper in me knew this wasn’t right. Your struggle isn’t evidence that you’re broken—it’s evidence that your authentic self refuses to be silenced.

Trust that inner voice. It’s been trying to guide you home to yourself this whole time.

The American Psychological Association’s article not only validated what my inner voice has been telling me for years, but it also offered genuinely practical guidance on how to move forward after experiencing toxic religion.

Many of us who are survivors struggle immensely after leaving the church. For years, even mental health professionals would dismiss our suffering as simply “a bad church experience” or “a bad pastor.” But finally, the mental health field is starting to recognize the tremendous obstacles people face when leaving religion.

Religion doesn’t just teach us doctrine—it shapes our entire understanding of who we are, how to live, work, and even who to marry. Sometimes religion is so woven into culture and family that leaving means losing your entire community and support system. Those of us who grew up in the church often lose our very identity when we walk away.

This absolutely fits the complex definition of trauma. What has made it so overwhelmingly difficult is that it hasn’t been recognized by mental health professionals as playing a critical role in so many of our struggles. We’ve been left to navigate this alone, often being told our pain wasn’t “real” trauma.

But now that religious trauma is finally being acknowledged as every bit as legitimate and devastating as other traumatic circumstances, there are actual pathways to move forward and heal.

You were never the problem. The system was designed to make you believe you were.

We’re not crazy. We’re not overreacting. Our pain is real, and now we finally have the validation and tools to begin rebuilding our lives on our own terms.

The recognition feels like coming up for air after being underwater for so long.

It’s okay to take a deep breath and just breathe. Be kind to yourself. Depending on how long you’ve been out of the religious system, this healing work might take enormous energy—it might even feel like wearing a new pair of shoes that don’t quite fit your feet yet. But take it slow and keep practicing. It will start to feel more comfortable over time.

Celebrate the small wins. Once you begin to understand that you not only deserve kindness and compassion, but that you were also born for a purpose beyond being who someone else expects you to be—that’s when it’s time to reclaim yourself in deeper ways.

What do you value? What do you love? What does it all mean in the bigger picture? You matter. Your heart’s desires are something the rest of the world needs. There will never be another you, and the world is missing out if you aren’t living from your authentic self.

I love this quote from Parker Palmer’s book Let Your Life Speak (a book I highly recommend for discovering your true calling). He quotes Václav Havel: “The salvation of this human world lies nowhere else than in the human heart, in the human power to reflect, in human modesty, and in human responsibility.”

There is no more important work we can do after religious trauma than discovering our true selves. It becomes the anchor for our lives outside religion and the pathway to finding genuine community where we belong.

Please know that I understand personally how difficult this journey can be. Trust is especially challenging after religious trauma, particularly when you’ve been abandoned by family and church members who once called themselves family. I still notice today how difficult it can be for me to be part of a group. The fear of rejection is real.

This is why knowing ourselves first is so crucial. Then it becomes easier to find others who align with our values, and over time we can learn to trust ourselves in relationships—slowly, at our own pace.

It’s been 11 years since I left the toxic church. The most beautiful part of leaving is that with the people I’m in relationships with now, I no longer find myself wondering if I’m measuring up to their expectations. And truly, as I write this, I think that’s the most devastating part of religious trauma—not being able to be ourselves or be with people who accept us as we are.

I can honestly say that having friends who accept me exactly as I am has brought the most profound relief of my entire life.

If this article resonates with you, please know that you are not alone in this journey. Thousands of people are walking similar paths, questioning, healing, and rebuilding their lives after religious trauma. Your experiences are valid, your pain is real, and your desire for authentic living is not only normal—it’s courageous. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re struggling. There’s no shame in needing support as you navigate this complex process of healing and self-discovery. You deserve compassionate care from someone who truly understands what you’ve been through.

Visit the Reclamation Collective website to find qualified mental health professionals in your area. If you are looking to work with a coach online or in person in the Nashville area, you can reach out to loriwilliamsliminalspace@gmail.com.