A Liminal Space

I struggle with the expectation that I should be stronger when facing people who think I’m sinning for disagreeing with their doctrine. My abuse happened in a mainstream evangelical church—not something people call a cult today. Many people I care about still attend churches with similar beliefs.

I often wonder: am I traumatized by the beliefs themselves or what happened in that church? There’s no simple answer.  I think I was actually traumatized by both. The rigid, black-and-white thinking made it incredibly hard to stop blaming myself or find community afterward.

Finding my faith after experiencing both hope and despair in that environment has been difficult. But I’m learning that God is much bigger than systems claiming to have all the answers.

I now understand that avoiding environments where I experienced harm isn’t weakness—it’s strength. It means I’m thinking beyond old boundaries, growing in new ways, and experiencing God outside the religious institutions where I was hurt.

If you are a religious trauma survivor, recognize the strength you have. Our spiritual beliefs are vital to our lives. It is ok to protect ourselves from being harmed further by the systems that caused the harm. God is a lot bigger than a church building.