A Liminal Space

I think many of us are right now. Fear of losing what we have. Fear of losing control. Fear of chaos. It doesn’t matter which “side” you’re on politically—fear hits everyone the same way.

Here’s the thing: our nervous systems are wired to keep us alive, not to keep us happy. They’re incredibly good at detecting danger, but terrible at telling the difference between real threats and false alarms. That rustling in the bushes could be a bear or it could be a squirrel. Your nervous system doesn’t care—it just screams “RUN!”

This gets more complicated if you’ve been through trauma. Your threat detection system becomes hypervigilant—meaning it’s constantly scanning for danger, even when you’re safe. According to research, people with trauma histories show heightened threat detection in brain scans, with their amygdala (fear center) activating 30% more frequently than those without trauma. Studies also show that chronic hypervigilance affects up to 70% of trauma survivors, keeping them in a constant state of alert.

I know this personally. I grew up in a household where it wasn’t safe to take up space at times. I needed to stay small to avoid upsetting my adopted father. Now I’m trying to break this pattern in my adult relationships, because a relationship isn’t healthy when both parties can’t receive the acceptance they need. If we’re hypervigilant and detecting threats in our relationships, we’re sure to create problems where there aren’t any. Safety to be ourselves is the foundation for a healthy relationship.

You might find yourself reacting to shadows in your relationships, then feeling foolish when you realize there was no real threat. Over time, you stop trusting your own instincts, which creates a whole new problem.

**So what do you do when you can’t trust your own nervous system?**

Slow down.

Trauma therapist Linda Thai suggests one simple technique: start your day by softening your gaze, feeling the weight of your body on the bed, and just noticing where you are. She calls this “orienting”—allowing your nervous system to take in information about your actual environment rather than the imagined threats in your mind.

Take a walk. Look at the horizon. Take your shoes off and feel the ground.

It sounds simple because it is. Your nervous system needs actual input from the actual world—not just the manufactured urgency of your phone screen. Too much tunnel vision from technology makes us feel small and trapped. We need to remind our bodies that we’re part of something bigger.

When we’re stuck in fear, we look for someone with all the answers. But nobody has all the answers. Nobody has the perfect formula for safety or happiness.

**The Longing for Belonging**

According to Linda Thai, belonging is a longing. Think about what it means to long for something you need—a warm blanket on a cold night, a hug on a difficult day. These aren’t selfish desires. They’re legitimate needs.

Belonging is a longing to have our needs met, just like our physical needs. Don’t settle for superficial connections with people who accept you because you’re who they need you to be. Allow your soul to soak in relationships with people who love and accept you for who you are, even when you don’t agree. We learn from each other.

Real stability comes from remembering that you belong—to yourself, to other people, and to this planet. It means finding relationships where you can take up space, where your nervous system can finally relax because it knows you’re truly safe to be yourself.

Start there.

Resource:  Reset Your Nervous System – Linda Thai