We may be small and insignificant, nothing but a speck of life in the great universe, but we each have a speck of star within us. The universal idea of an inner destiny depicts the hidden spark that connects us to the cosmos and makes us part of the swirling dance of stars and planets. The innate sense of a unique life aimed at something meaningful is the residue of stars and the inheritance of great imagination deposited within each of us.     

Awakening the Soul by Michael Meade

When Stars Fall: Finding the Light Within

Sometimes life feels almost too heavy to bear. I find myself turning off the news or closing social media after yet another story of a bright star crashing into darkness—someone whose light had guided so many of us through our own difficult days. Their work was like a meaningful poem on an especially hard day, giving us the strength we needed to keep going.

But why do their lights go out? Why do they sometimes choose darkness over the light they once shared so freely?

Maybe it gets exhausting, shining all the time. Maybe stars are meant to shine brightest when it’s darkest, and the constant pressure to illuminate becomes too much. There’s so much about life I still don’t understand, especially after experiencing religious trauma that turned my world upside down.

The Safety of Not Questioning

For two decades, I lived in a system that provided answers for everything. When I didn’t have an answer, I could convince myself it wasn’t meant for me to know. That logic gave me a strange peace, but it also kept me from digging deeper to find the truth I actually needed—the truth that would set me free to shine authentically.

I don’t think our Creator ever intended for us to check our brains at the door. We were given curiosity and the desire to understand for a reason. Questions aren’t wrong—they’re how we learn and grow. But there’s undeniable comfort in just accepting what we’re told about life, about God, about who we are and what we’re supposed to do.

Most nights, I could convince myself that God was in control, and if I just trusted and kept the faith, everything would work out. But it was never enough for me. There was still a void, and the limited information I was given couldn’t fill it. So I settled. Settled for what I knew. Settled for the mold I was supposed to fit into.

The Doctrine of Darkness

My doctrine taught me I was fundamentally bad. That my heart’s desires only wanted evil. I needed another identity, they said—Jesus’s identity to transform me into his image. I tried to fit that mold, pretending I was satisfied with their limited explanations about who I was.

It should have been enough—the promise of heaven, of a mansion in the sky. But because of the sin they said was in me, it would never actually be enough. This life would be an endless wrestling match between good and bad, with grace covering my failures and shame driving me to try harder to become more like Jesus.

But what about the one who was supposed to be leading me? He was three decades older, supposedly further along this path of transformation.

When Leaders Fall

I had convinced myself that this internal wrestling was just life—falling in ditches and being grateful when God rescued me. It worked until I discovered my leader was lying. The day I realized it was more about him than about Jesus came unfortunately a decade after I’d decided to follow what I thought was a star guiding me toward deliverance.

His star crashed from the sky when I realized he wanted to be the only one shining. Behind the scenes, he was actively sabotaging the next pastor. Why would anyone do that? It was nothing like the Jesus I’d read about, who chose near starvation rather than bowing to forces that opposed his creation.

The only story I know that makes sense of beautiful, bright stars choosing to fall is Lucifer—once an angel of light. I don’t fully understand why people choose falling over shining, except through my own experience of following the wrong star because I believed there wasn’t anything else.

Discovering the Inner Light

But I’ve discovered since that time of disillusionment over a decade ago that there is a brighter star—and it’s on the inside. I had to leave the system that told me it wasn’t there to find it.

Sometimes I lose sight of this inner star, especially when I look at what’s happening in the world and notice more stars falling than shining. But I can promise you there are more shining stars than falling ones, or we wouldn’t still be here.

These days, I’m constantly reminding myself how important it is to let my inner star guide me. To control what I can and never stop looking for the answers I need to get through another day. The light isn’t out there in someone else, even though others can and do guide us when it gets too dark to see ahead. That’s why we’re all in this universe together.

We Are All Stars

The more we shine individually and refuse to let our lights get snuffed out, the more we give others the opportunity to see something besides falling stars. About the only thing that makes sense anymore is the connection I feel when another person shares their shine with me and gives me courage to face another day.

I think all of us are stars. We’re either shining from within or trying to snuff out someone else’s light so we can appear to shine brighter. I can’t think of any other explanation for why someone would choose to diminish another person’s light—they must not believe they have their own.

Don’t ever stop looking for your inner light. We are all here to shine. Every single one of our lives matters, especially for such a time as this.

The Ba-soul represented the connection each person would naturally have to the otherworld. As the light hidden in the darkness, the Ba was often symbolized as a star that could guide a person through the troubles of life and the dark nights of the soul. Destiny means “of the stars” and the idea of each person being connected to the stars appears in cultures all over the earth. We may be small and insignificant, nothing but a speck of life in the great universe, but we each have a speck of star within us. The universal idea of an inner destiny depicts the hidden spark that connects us to the cosmos and makes us part of the swirling dance of stars and planets. The innate sense of a unique life aimed at something meaningful is the residue of stars and the inheritance of great imagination deposited within each of us.  

In the deep interiority of the soul, the light of the stars fed the essence of each life. For something deep inside each soul is threaded to the stars and tied to the cosmos in ways that are both subtle and enduring. Everyone has an inner spark and speck of star, though it is more visible in some than in others. When it does shine forth, it reveals something different in each person; the spark of life is the uniqueness set within each soul.

Being born on earth means being “star-born;” it also means being star-crossed as we struggle to find the inner connections we each have to our mythical inheritance and genuine sense of purpose. The inner spark would light the way to a meaningful destiny in each life, yet it must find its fuel in the limits of the here and now and in the exact conflicts found in each psyche. It must shape the inner flame from the raw material of experience and from the burning questions that trouble our souls. Each person must learn the language through which the unseen world speaks to them or else miss their star and become lost in the storms of the world and the confusions of life.    

  Awakening the Soul by Michael Meade       

1. The Difference Between External and Internal Authority

Religious systems often create dependency on external validation and authority, while true spiritual growth comes from developing trust in your inner wisdom. What did it feel like to make decisions from your own discernment versus always looking outside yourself?

When I relied on someone else for guidance, I became dependent on a system to define who I was. My entire community was built on this same dependence. The result? Constant pressure to meet everyone else’s expectations. When I inevitably fell short, I felt like I lost both myself and my place in that community.

Now my identity isn’t built on a system or other people’s expectations. Sometimes this is challenging—especially when I have more questions than answers. But the people in my life now can sit with me without judgment when I’m wrestling with something. They offer insights that actually relieve pressure instead of adding the fear of being judged.

The difference is night and day. Before, I was performing for approval. Now, I’m just being human with other humans who get it.

2. The Process of Deconstruction vs. Reconstruction

Consider sharing more about the specific steps or stages you went through in leaving your old belief system. What was the scariest part? What unexpected gifts did you find in the process?

After I left my old church, I tried to hang onto my beliefs. I still thought this was where I’d find my identity. Our family church-hopped for several years, and everywhere we went, we got the same answers to our struggles: forgive and keep showing up.

But those answers just added more pressure. It wasn’t until we stopped going to church altogether and started looking for answers elsewhere that things finally began to make sense.

3. Practical Ways to Tend Your Inner Light

You mention the importance of letting your inner star guide you—what does this look like practically? What daily practices, relationships, or environments help you stay connected to this inner light?

I wake up early every morning and spend intentional time focusing on myself. Sometimes I read, write, or listen to teachers on YouTube who talk about building inner strength and becoming our best selves. I love the variety—hearing from different people all over the world.

Over the years, this has shown me we’re not really that different. We all have basic needs, and when they’re met in healthy ways, we naturally become our best selves. When they’re not, we develop destructive patterns that often bring harm to others. I learn so much about myself just by making sure that my needs are being met in a healthy way.

Many of the things Jesus actually lived and taught still apply to our lives. Turns out I never needed a specific denomination to teach me how to believe. I just needed to stay curious and open, and pay attention to others. We can learn so much from each other, from nature, and from the natural rhythms of life on this planet.

4. The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Spiritual Leadership

Contrast the characteristics of leaders who genuinely want to help others shine versus those who need to be the only source of light. What red flags did you learn to recognize?

As I mentioned earlier, I started noticing red flags when a retired pastor began sabotaging another pastor who wasn’t doing things his way. It hit me how much he needed to feel in control. I saw this pattern with other pastors too—men who created narratives we were just supposed to go along with.

These narratives were about what made them comfortable, not about addressing real issues in people’s lives. There wasn’t room for individual needs unless they aligned with their agenda.

The healthiest pastor I ever met told me something different: “Don’t ever come to church out of obligation. Only come if you have a deep desire to do so.” This felt genuine. I visited that church a lot and never had a negative experience with anyone there. Even though I don’t regularly attend church anymore, I know I can visit there anytime and be welcomed with open arms.

That’s what healthy leadership looks like. It is reflected in the kindness and diversity of the people who are there because they want to be.

5. Community After Religious Trauma

How do you find authentic community and spiritual connection outside of organized religion? What does healthy spiritual community look like to you now?

That’s such a good question. I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday. Community doesn’t always need to be a lot of people gathering once a week in a church building. Sometimes it’s two people sharing their struggles and joys over coffee or tea. Sometimes it’s messaging a cousin in another country about the weather, how we slept, and the everyday challenges of normal life.

Sometimes I find it in online support groups through social media or blogs I follow, or through my professional coaching association. Sometimes it’s just texting with family or friends about funny moments, difficult ones, or silly pictures of our pets.

Healthy community isn’t about how many people—it’s about quality and whether you can show up just as you are.

6. The Ongoing Journey

You mention still losing sight of your inner star sometimes—this vulnerability could be powerful to expand. What helps you find your way back? How has your relationship with uncertainty and not-knowing evolved?

I lose sight of my inner star when I look at everything happening in the world. I don’t think we were ever meant to take in so much information at once. Political chaos and division, wars, children suffering, the pressures of daily life, and the lives of everyone I follow on social media. People who say they follow Jesus getting exposed for abuse. People who say they follow Jesus saying hateful things about others, judging people who aren’t like them. Family who were supposed to care but their love was conditional. Seeing so many people struggling and wanting to help but knowing I can’t fix it.

Whenever I focus on these things and realize I have no power to fix them, that’s when I lose sight of who I am.

What helps me come back is slowing down. Way down. Focusing on one thing at a time—the next thing in front of me that needs doing. Writing out my concerns. Remembering who I am. Talking with people who love me unconditionally and are willing to just sit with me in the problems without trying to solve them. Listening to inspiring podcasts like Michael Meade’s.

7. For Others in Similar Situations

What would you want to say to someone who’s just beginning to question their religious system but is terrified to leave? What encouragement or practical advice would you offer?

Dig deep inside yourself. Listen to that inner conflict with curiosity, not judgment. Talk to people outside your religious system to get a different perspective. You don’t have to make changes quickly—take your time. Take a vacation, maybe somewhere outside your usual culture. Slow down.

Find online groups and websites that address religious harm. I’m part of the Religious Harm Recovery Group and have found a lot of understanding there. Consider working with a therapist or coach who specializes in religious trauma. Or just do your own research—there’s so much available for free. You can also email me :).

Most of all, know that you’re not alone.

A Questionnaire for those who want to Discover Your Inner Star

Inspired by Michael Meade’s “Awakening the Soul”

This questionnaire is designed to help you explore your connection to your inner spark, your unique destiny, and the “star” within your soul. Take your time with each question, allowing yourself to sit with whatever arises.

Part I: Recognizing Your Inner Light

1. The Spark Within

• When do you feel most alive and authentic? Describe a moment when you felt your inner light shining brightest.
• What activities, places, or people seem to kindle something special within you?
• How would you describe the quality of your inner spark? (Is it a steady flame, a dancing light, a warming glow, etc.)

2. Guiding Stars

• What has served as your “North Star” during difficult times in your life?
• When facing major decisions, what inner compass do you turn to?
• Describe a time when you felt guided by something beyond ordinary reasoning.

Part II: Your Mythical Inheritance

3. Cosmic Connection

• Do you feel connected to something larger than yourself? How does this connection manifest?
• What stories, myths, or archetypes have always resonated deeply with you?
• When you look at the night sky, what do you feel or imagine about your place in the cosmos?

4. Unique Destiny

• What feels like your “signature” in the world—the particular way you express your aliveness?
• If you could distill your life’s purpose into a single image or metaphor, what would it be?
• What themes or patterns keep appearing throughout your life story?

Part III: Star-Crossed Struggles

5. The Dark Nights

• What recurring challenges or conflicts seem to be part of your particular journey?
• How have your greatest struggles also been your greatest teachers?
• What “burning questions” trouble your soul and demand your attention?

6. Finding Your Language

• How does the “unseen world” speak to you? (Through dreams, synchronicities, nature, art, etc.)
• What signs or symbols consistently appear in your life?
• When do you feel most in dialogue with mystery or the unknown?

Part IV: Living Your Star-Born Nature

7. Fuel for the Flame

• What “raw material of experience” are you currently working with to shape your inner flame?
• How do you tend to your inner spark in daily life?
• What practices or rituals help you stay connected to your deeper purpose?

8. Sharing Your Light

• How does your unique spark show up differently than others around you?
• In what ways do you feel called to contribute your particular light to the world?
• What would it look like to live more fully from your star-born nature?

Part V: Integration and Commitment

9. Missing Your Star

• When do you feel most disconnected from your inner guidance?
• What external “storms” or internal “confusions” tend to pull you away from your authentic path?
• How can you recognize when you’re beginning to lose touch with your spark?

10. The Path Forward

• What one small step could you take today to honor your inner star?
• How might you create more space in your life for your soul’s deeper calling?
• What would you need to release or embrace to live more aligned with your cosmic inheritance?

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Reflection Instructions

After completing the questionnaire:

• Review your responses and notice what themes emerge
• Circle or highlight the answers that surprise you or carry the most energy
• Consider sharing your insights with someone you trust
• Identify one concrete way you can honor your “star-born” nature this week
• Return to these questions periodically as you continue your journey of awakening

Remember: There are no right or wrong answers. This is an invitation to dialogue with the deeper dimensions of your being.